If you’ve checked in in the past couple of weeks, you’re privy to Transman’s anxiety about the impending Thanksgiving Debacle. Transman called his dad to find out what menu item he is expected to bring and low and behold–plans have changed for the umpteenth time and while we’re not quite to Plan Z, we’re about to the middle of the alphabet. At this point, Transman knows this much for sure: we’re still meeting somewhere around the holiday and eating some sort of food that someone is cooking. All this uncertainty has led to much conjecture on Transman’s part about what to expect when Thanksgiving finally rolls around. Here is the latest version of the upcoming events according to his overactive imagination:
Tag Archives: entertainment
That dance party that started on Wednesday has kept on rollin’. Transman took off his Godzilla outfit and called up the rest of his friends for full-on jollification.
If you remember a couple of posts back, Transman thought about what his love life might look like one day. If you don’t remember, here it is with Godzilla once again reprising his role as Transman:
Transman got to thinking about what great fun it would be to have a holiday party or just a unholiday party (which is not unlike the unbirthday in Alice in Wonderland) and invite his friends over to dance with him and Mrs. Transman. Here is what that would look like:
Here’s the playlist so you can dance along at home:
Wilson Pickett tearing it up in Africa in 1971
James Brown gets everybody up offa that thing
Frankie Smith has his funky bus fare
The Meters bring a funky miracle
Lee Dorsey calms things down a bit, but keeps it funky
So, Transman works in a pretty conservative environment–an office where gender roles are pretty 1950s. Father Knows Best‘s Jim Anderson could work quite happily at this place … if we sold insurance, that is.
Well, maybe it’s more of an early-to-mid 1960s deal with the inclusion of women in the workplace in jobs other than filling a mythical steno pool. Think Rose Marie from the Dick Van Dyke Show, but don’t go all-out crazy bra burnin’ like Maude or Rhoda. These are smart, educated, independent women, but they still do most of the cooking for potlucks and have signature recipes that are in demand at holiday gatherings. They also do the decorating and make sure that we follow manners in remembering holidays, birthdays, and milestones by buying cards and circulating them around the office for people to sign.
The guys? Well, in addition to doing their assigned work, they do the “guy stuff.” When someone’s car battery dies and they don’t have AAA, “one of the guys” can be counted on to run down to the parking lot and give the person a jump. The guys move the furniture when the women decide to redecorate. The guys eat two or three helpings of the signature dishes that the women bring to office potlucks.
Where does Transman fit into all this? Usually, he is in a netherworld of some sort. He is expected to eat the potluck food, but people would rather he didn’t actually make anything. They encourage him to bring “store bought” items or donate cash to the cause. They don’t ask him to move desks, but they also don’t ask for his opinion on paint samples or flowering plants.
No one is mean to Transman, but he suspects they’re uncomfortable around him. Oh, he’s not totally sure (well, except for the guy who does a U-turn every time he and Transman are headed to the bathroom at the same time; he’s pretty sure That Guy is uncomfortable with his very existence), but he suspects this is the case.
Those who know his history (which is most everyone at the office since he transitioned on the job), seem unsure of how to categorize him. He is like the office mudskipper–he can live in the water, but he can also breathe air and walk about on land. Since he is not a totally swimming fish, nor a totally air-breathing critter, Transman usually occupies his own genderless space. Usually.
But, today, a woman who was recently hired and knows nothing of Transman’s past appeared at his desk.
“Um, Transman, could you help me for a minute? I have some boxes in my office that need to go into the supply closet,” she said. “They’re too heavy for me to lift.”
“Sure,” Transman said, secretly pleased that he appeared brawny enough in her eyes to be put to work as a pack animal.
In other news, Transman has continued his daily swimming–when the weather cooperates, that is. Lately, thunderstorms seem to start about half an hour before Transman gets off work and continue until about half an hour after the pool closes for the evening.
* Nothing in this post should be taken as scientific fact. In fact, nothing in this post should be taken as fact.
Transman loves the Rolling Stones. He also loves bad lip synching. You cannot possibly imagine the joy he felt when he stumbled on this clip of the Stones and “Queen of the Mods” Cathy McGowan mouthing the words to Sonny and Cher’s hit “I Got You Babe.” There aren’t enough adjectives in the dictionary to properly describe the flood of happiness that went through Transman as he watched Keith Richards dutifully simulate playing a sousaphone and Mick Jagger pretend to belt out Cher’s lines with a straight face. And Charlie Watts with a giant sunflower? What’s not to love there?
P.S. Transman’s love of Keith Richards is pretty well documented, but he also has a soft spot for Charlie Watts, who is probably the best-dressed drummer in rock ‘n’ roll.