Tag Archives: entertainment

Tune in tomorrow

"Did Pa really bring us a radio so we can listen to Transman?!" little Elizabeth Walton asked, incredulous. "He sure did, Elizabeth, he sure did," John Boy said.

“Did Pa really bring us a radio so we can listen to Transman?!” little Elizabeth Walton asked, incredulous. “He sure did, Elizabeth, he sure did,” John-Boy said.

That’s right, Transman is going to be a media double-threat–blogs and radio shows. Carlette Norwood‘s interview with Transman will air tomorrow, January 15, at 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. Never fear, gentle reader, you don’t need to go out and get yourself a great big old-fashioned radio to hear it. Carlette’s show, Lette’s Chat, is on Blog Talk Radio. All you have to do is click here to be taken to the link.

"Wow, that Transman sounds taller than I expected. Dig it!" Jack Kerouac tunes in.

“Wow, that Transman sounds taller than I expected. Dig it, baby!” Jack Kerouac tunes in.


Open Letter to Ashley Judd and Tina Fey

"I'm sorry, I can't say any more ... you'll just have to read Transman's blog," Ashley Judd tells the ever-hounding media.

“I’m sorry, I can’t say any more … you’ll just have to read Transman’s blog or mine. Oh, read his first and then mine,” Ashley Judd tells the ever-hounding media.

Dear Ms. Judd and Ms. Fey:

Thank you both for driving so many readers to my blog. As I look through the search terms people use to find their way to The Adventures of Transman, you two are by far the holy grail people are seeking on the internet. Well, actually, from the search terms, your naked bodies and Ms. Judd’s feet drive people on cyberquests that land them here–here in the land of Transman where, it should be noted, that no pictures highlighting your bodies or Ms. Judd’s feet have ever been posted.

Ms. Judd, 210 people have found their way here, 124 of which want to see your bare feet. Thirty-four people want to see pictures of you after you have gone swimming in your clothes or been caught in a downpour without an umbrella. Twenty three people have been searching for images of your keester. Twenty want to see you “hot”–they do not specify whether they are seeking pictures of you sweating or simply “lookin’ fine” as the kids like to say. Nine people want to see “Ashley Judd” plain and simple.

Ms. Fey, the 179 people stalking you via my blog seem to mostly overlook your fine writing and comedic talents and want to see pictures of you in various states of undress or want close-ups of specific parts of your body. Of the total, 129 would like to see pictures where you have forgotten to put on a shirt. Eight want to see you in tight jeans; five want to see your tuchus; and 37 want to see you “hot.” Like with Ms. Judd, they do not specify which definition of “hot” they are using.

I am, understandably, I think, disappointed that people have reduced both of you down to your bodies. I would be thrilled if people got misdirected to this blog by searching for things like “Ashley Judd Humanitarian missions” or “Tina Fey Mercy Corps.” I wouldn’t mind them finding their way here looking for your filmographies or writing credits.

Together, we can fight this objectification!

Feel free to use The Adventures of Transman as your platform for announcing all the new and better things you are doing. Whether you are raising funds for wildlife, fighting racism and injustice, battling childhood diseases and human trafficking or writing a sitcom that will debut on the BBC or something, please shout it from the rooftops and this blog. Let Transman be  your personal publicist. You just tell me what you’re up to and I will announce it to the world … or at least the hundreds of people who are perusing this blog just for the hopes of a glimpse of one or both of you and your unclad ankles. We shall deflect their attention from your bodies to your brains. By golly, we shall win them over! When we are done, the whole world will appreciate every single thing about you and your accomplishments and hard work on the behalf of others.

Sincerely,

Transman

"I just had an idea for yet another hit TV show! I better call Transman right away!" Tina Fey daydreams.

“I just had an idea for yet another hit TV show! I better call Transman right away!” Tina Fey takes a tiny work break. “Oh, I’ll call him after I finish this last chapter of my new book. Might as well kill two birds with one stone.”


Them’s Feudin’ Words

"Oh my god, is Transman really wearing that?!" Joan Rivers casts her eye upon Transman's wardrobe.

“Oh my god! Is Transman wearing stuff he pulled out of the recycling bin?!” Joan Rivers casts her eye upon Transman’s wardrobe.

Jennifer Lawrence inadvertently started a Hollywood feud by questioning the message that Fashion Police sends to young viewers. Since Joan Rivers seems to want attention and Transman is used to bullies, he figures she can pick on him to their mutual benefit–Joan will get a few more minutes in a media frenzy and Transman will align himself with Jennifer Lawrence so that when she does become the next Meryl Streep and the screenplay that Transman will one day write comes across  her desk, she will pick it up and think fondly of his gallantry on her behalf before tossing the script into the trash.

"Transman claims he's been working out," Joan Rivers tells David Letterman, "working out to about a Triple XL!"

“Transman claims he’s been working out,” Joan Rivers tells David Letterman, “working out to be about a triple-X-L!” (Dave scowls in disapproval because we are fellow Hoosiers.)

"I saw Transman on the street the other day and I thought he was homeless until I dropped a quarter in his cup and got splashed with coffee."

“I saw Transman on the street the other day and the way he was dressed, I thought he was homeless until I dropped a quarter in his cup and got splashed with coffee.”

"The last time Transman's clothes were in style, Calvin Coolidge was president!"

“The last time Transman’s clothes were in style, Calvin Coolidge was president!”

One day in the distant future …

"So ... did you get the script I sent you?" Transman asks.  "Hey, I appreciate you taking on Joan Rivers and all, but you're kind of creepin' me out."

“So … did you get the script I sent you?” Transman asks. “Hey, I appreciate you taking on Joan Rivers and all, but you’re kind of creepin’ me out,” Jennifer Lawrence says.


All we want for Christmas is …

"The only thing we want for Christmas is to be on Transman's blog. Then we truly will be Masters of the Internet!" Sirs Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart present their list to Santa Claus.

“The only thing we want for Christmas is to be on Transman’s blog. Then we truly will be Masters of the Internet!” Sirs Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart present their list to Santa Claus.


Thanksgiving plan LMNO

"I brought you an early Christmas present, Pop! It's an eco-friendly lawn maintenance system!" Transman makes his arrival.

“I brought you an early Christmas present, Pop! It’s an eco-friendly lawn maintenance system!” Transman (played by William Powell) makes his arrival.

If you’ve checked in in the past couple of weeks, you’re privy to Transman’s anxiety about the impending Thanksgiving Debacle. Transman called his dad to find out what menu item he is expected to bring and low and behold–plans have changed for the umpteenth time and while we’re not quite to Plan Z, we’re about to the middle of the alphabet. At this point, Transman knows this much for sure: we’re still meeting somewhere around the holiday and eating some sort of food that someone is cooking. All this uncertainty has led to much conjecture on Transman’s part about what to expect when Thanksgiving finally rolls around. Here is the latest version of the upcoming events according to his overactive imagination:

"Let's get Transman in trouble!" Twyla Faye and Daisy in cahoots. (Jean Harlow and her mother playing Transman's sisters.)

“Let’s get Transman into some big trouble!” Twyla Faye and Daisy in cahoots. (Jean Harlow and her mother playing Transman’s sisters.)

"We'll just stir a little cayenne pepper into granny's mousse ..." Transman and his sisters get up to no good.

“We’ll just stir a little cayenne pepper into granny’s chocolate mousse …” Transman and his sisters get up to no good.

Sherpa and Transman get scolded for wrestling before dinner.

Sherpa and Transman get scolded for wrestling before dinner.

"Food with toothpicks in it?" Transman offers the hors d'oeuvres. "Tell your sister to get her behind out here so we can eat," Eugene Pallette as Transman's dad.

“Food with toothpicks in it?” Transman offers around the hors d’oeuvres. “Tell your sister to get her behind out here so we can eat,” Eugene Pallette as Transman’s dad.

"Look, don't be a spoilsport. Dad won't eat until you come to the table," Transman apologizes to Sherpa.

“Look, don’t be a spoilsport. Dad won’t eat until you come to the table. I didn’t mean to give you a Marcia Brady,” Transman apologizes to Sherpa.

Transman and his brother Hank (played by Gary Cooper) admire the complexity of the root beer at dinner.

Transman and his brother Hank (played by Gary Cooper) admire the complexity of the root beer at dinner. “You can keep your Virgil’s … I still say A&W is the finest!” Hank declares.

"You know, I'm the seventh son, so I'm special!" Transman declares as he and Daisy wash up. "Oh you're special all right," she assures him.

“You know, I’m the seventh son so I’m special!” Transman declares as he and Daisy wash up. “Oh, you’re special all right,” she assures him.

"You're adopted!" Sherpa gets her revenge.

“You’re adopted!” Sherpa gets her revenge.

"You're the best member of this family," Transman tells Asta the dog.

“You’re the best member of this family,” Transman tells Asta the dog as they drown their sorrows in root beer.

The cayenne flavored mousse and too many root beers give Transman strange dreams that night.

The cayenne-spiked mousse and too many root beers give Transman strange dreams that night.


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