Author Archives: transparentguy

I will do ten reps (of lifting potato chips from the bag to my mouth)

Transman has been attempting to get in shape because he plunked down the money to do the Reverse Barbie operation, and it’s a lot easier for the doctor to get things right if the patient looks more like The Rock and less like George Costanza. Being in shape also helps with the recovery and healing. Transman knows all of this. His rational mind speaks up and reminds him of these facts all the time, but lemme tell ya, kids, that Transman fella  is lazy. Oh sure, he’ll go swimming every day for a couple of weeks and then one day, it will rain and then Transman acts like it is monsoon season and he needs to stay indoors where it is safe. And where there is a couch. And a TV. And snacks. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

"Yeah, I *could* get into the Bat-suit. If I wanted. But,  I don't want to." Christian Bale as Transman hanging by the pool.

“Yeah, I could get into the Batsuit. If I wanted. But, I don’t want to.” Christian Bale as Transman hanging by the pool.


One fine day …

"One day, Transman, you will have an awesome stache like this," the Inca Tern said. "Or maybe not!"

“One day, Transman, you will have an awesome stache like this,” the Inca Tern said. “Or, maybe not!”

Transman has been on testosterone for a couple of years now and his chin is covered with a decent patch of hair, but his mustache is so pitiful and scraggly, he is sad.

He is in good company … many of his imaginary friends offered up consolation and advice:

"Distract them by balancing out the fluff on the chin with a complicated pile of hair on top of your head," Thoreau suggested.

“Distract everyone by balancing out the fluff on the chin with a complicated pile of hair on top of your head,” Thoreau suggested.

"Thoreau is right about that whole hair/chin curtain balance thing. Whatever you do, don't trim the beard!" Lincoln advised

“Thoreau is right about that whole hair/chin curtain balancing thing. Whatever you do, don’t trim the beard!” Honest Abe advised.

"Woe unto you if you lose your hair, Transman!" Horace Greeley cried out. "A few wispy tufts and glasses may help distract from a fuzzless upper lip."

“Woe unto you if you lose your hair, Transman!” Horace Greeley cried out. “A few wispy tufts and glasses may help distract from a fuzzless upper lip.”

"Dude, get a dog and life will be, like, totally cool."

“Dude, get a dog and life will be, like, totally cool. Add snacks, and, like, man, it’s all groovy!” Shaggy said.

"I started growing this in 1947." Monk also advised Transman to start wearing hats and playing piano.

“I started growing this in 1947.” Monk also advised Transman to start wearing hats and playing piano. “Wear a high hat and don’t worry about making the public happy.”

"Yo! Transman! There's a party going on in the barnyard! Tin cans all over the place!"

“Yo! Transman! There’s a party going on in the barnyard! Tin cans all over the place!”


I don’t think you’ll find what you’re looking for on Aisle 12, lady

"You look like a man who knows his wine!" Susan Sarandon as the Mystery Lady.

“You look like a man who knows his wine!” Susan Sarandon as the Mystery Lady.

Transman was tooling around the grocery store trying to navigate the “Oh, God! Tomorrow’s Easter and we didn’t plan a meal or get Easter baskets for the kids!” crowd when he nearly collided with a family with a screaming toddler who was being egged on by the kindergartener in the “scream more and they’ll buy us anything we want!” battle. As he swooped around them and turned toward the bread aisle, coming the opposite direction was an auburn-haired vision, cradling a shopping basket on her arm.

The ginger-haired goddess was a solitary shopper cruising slowly through the store without obligations to anyone or anything. She had only a couple of items her basket: brie, a couple of apples, and a package of spring greens.

She locked eyes with Transman and a smile flickered at the corner of her mouth.

“Where do they keep the wine?” she asked as she got closer.

Transman raised his eyebrows thinking, “I’m not wearing a name tag, lady.” Still, he pointed up at the sign two aisles down and said, “Aisle 12.”

The apparently psychic redhead winked at him and said, “I didn’t ask you for any particular reason … I know you don’t work here.” She beamed at him and turned toward Aisle 12.

Transman nodded and thought, “Well, with hair like this, everyone assumes I’m a beatnik. And everybody knows those bohemian cats know all about wine.” (Clearly, Transman is very slow on the uptake when he is being flirted with. Also, grocery stores really are the place to meet people. People who like wine.)

"Transman! This is only a tasting! Put that bottle of sparkling grape juice down!" Bob Dylan reprises his role as Transman.

“Transman! This is only a tasting! Put that bottle of sparkling grape juice down!” Bob Dylan reprises his role as Transman.


Gabriel García Márquez: 1927-2014

Gabriel García Márquez with his own bad teenage mustache.

Gabriel García Márquez with his own bad teenage mustache and a head full of dreams.

... and with his wife and children in the 1960s.

… and with his wife Mercedes and their children in the 1960s. 

With Carlos Fuentes and Toni Morrison.

With Carlos Fuentes and Toni Morrison.

Goofing around with Carlos Fuentes at conference and book fair celebrating Fuentes' 80th birthday in 2008.

Goofing around with Carlos Fuentes at a conference celebrating Fuentes’ work and 80th birthday. 

His work put magic into the world badly in need of  love and wonder.

His work put magic into a world badly in need of love and wonder.

Nobel Prize winning author Gabriel García Márquez  has died. If you haven’t read any of his writing, hunt some down tonight. He was a master storyteller who will lead you down an ordinary street into a world of dreams and return you home safe, but forever changed. You can start your journey here.


A card just for you

Transman was so busy yesterday, he did not post anything for Transgender Day of Visibility, but his pal David Ellis Dickerson created this card for his web series Greeting Card Emergency, and Transman wants to share it even if he is a day late and a dollar short.

To all the transgender folks who are living their lives and sharing their stories with those around them or the wider world, thank you! You never know who is going to be touched by knowing you; as hard as it might be, being yourself is making things better for all those who follow.

And to people like David who stand up for others and spread love and laughter in the world, thank you! You’re also making the world better all the time.


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,293 other followers

%d bloggers like this: