This is the kind of crap people are searching for when they accidentally land on this blog.

Every once in a while Transman takes a peek at the stats page and looks at the different ways people find his blog. Sometimes, it is from references on other blogs or from social media, but most of the time it is kismet: people typing phrases into a search engine expecting to find useful information, but more often than not, no matter what they’re looking for, they find this blog.

Here are some of the things people have been looking for when they hit a pothole on the information highway, spin off the road, and wind up here:

Some version of “The Proclaimers” is the most popular search term on Transman’s blog.

“We don’t get it either,” Charlie Reid says. His brother, Craig, interrupts with, “but since your readers like us AND guys with thick glasses, well … it does kind of make sense. By the way, we still tour and make albums. Check us out.“

Other terms that drive readers to Transman include:

“Why do whitewall tires cost so much?”

“Men in thick myopic glasses.”

“cary grant born to be bad”

“Ashley Judd feet”

“hollywood glamour hors d’oeuvres”

“Will Ferrell ears”

“Harrison ford nude” (people also want to see various parts of Mr. Ford’s body, but I shan’t list them here; buy your own anatomy book and make a paper doll of Indy.)

“Helping the single transman cook meals”

“how to get eyebrows like sean connery” is second only to “I’m sean connery chair”

“جريتا جاربو” (I would also like to find Greta Garbo)

Greta Garbo “Temptress of the Secret Service” and most attractive aspect of Transman’s blog.

People apparently want to see what several celebs would look like bald. There have been many searches for Slash, Johnny Depp, Robert DeNiro, and Tina Fey with “no hair” as a search term.

Transman never wants to meet the sicko who was searching for “glass clown playing tuba.”

Of course, all those people looking for “Giant Sexy Man” are thrilled to find me.

And, this may be one of the best pieces of searching/bucket list goals under the sun: ”i’m gonna get a life sized tattoo of myself only taller and more muscular”

Now, if you were the person searching for the Rachid Taha poster, here is a nifty one:

You’d steal this poster off the bulletin board, wouldn’t you?

For the rest of you who were looking for bald/naked celebs, I can’t help you, but if you’re interested in finding some new reading material, check out these blogs:

Brevity magazine’s blog is the place to go if you want to know what’s going on with contemporary nonfiction–essays, interviews, and reviews make up the bulk of the content, which is updated on a near-daily basis. Brevity is a collaborative blog with guest spots by some of hottest established and new writers.

Ned Stuckey-French is a writer and scholar of nonfiction. If you’re a fan of the essay, history, or baseball, Ned probably has something for you. If you want to know more about the American essay tradition, stop by Ned’s blog and read some of his wonderful introductions and overviews of some of the giants.

The Midnight Muser has nominated this blog for the Interesting Blog Award; Transman is honored, but ultimately too lazy to follow all the rules, so he’s thanking her and telling you you need to check her out–especially if you like well-written pieces and have affection for Wilkie Collins (and, really, who doesn’t?).

You know Transman’s a sucker for vintage Hollywood, so he’s fallen head over heals for the Beguiling Hollywood blog. As the tagline says, “Want crotch shots? Go to TMZ. If you want a little historical perspective you’re home.”

Karen at Trans*forming Family always has such wise, honest posts about being the parent of a transgender child. The ups and downs of their lives as her son embarks on the journey to himself are compelling reading and, even when the going is tough, her words are full of love and support.

Gene at Thoughts, Ramblings, and Daydreams mixes writing on all kinds of topics, book reviews, photography, and slices of life on the Gulf Coast into a cool package. Some of his posts are funny, some are poignant, but all are well crafted.

David Ellis Dickerson is smart, funny, and way too productive for my tastes. I know this because we went to school together and every time I turn around, David has made a video, drawn something brilliant, or revised yet another book. Meanwhile, I’ve heated up a frozen pizza and checked Facebook (where David has posted 27 brilliant updates and links to really smart crap I should read).

“Damn! Dickerson’s even a clue in the New York Times Crossword Puzzle!” Bob Dylan as Transman.