The Big Hair Club


We use nothing but coconut oil on our hair. The Mothers of Invention as Transman and Sons (and neighbors or something).

When you take testosterone weird s**t happens. That’s kind of a given, but one of the strangest things that has happened to Transman is his hair has gotten super curly (think Bob Dylan or Will Ferrell). It used to be just kind of wavy, sort of nondescript hair that got little notice from anyone besides Transman and the person he paid to cut his hair.

Now, though? Transman’s hair has been the topic of several remarks and discussions with strangers. And it is usually in the context of people looking at Transman’s sons and taking in their crazy curly hair and then looking at him and going, “Well, we know where they get the hair!” (In times past, it was only Son 1 who got attention from strangers over his hair; the highlight of these encounters was the blushing teenage girl who was standing in another checkout line but had to break away from her group to come compliment him on the hat he was wearing and then ask if she could touch his hair.)

A comment or two would a little odd, but nothing Transman would think about as he brushed his teeth before bed, but here lately, the comments are increasing and what really makes Transman go “huh?” is that they’re coming from other men. The maintenance guy at work, one of the grandfathers who stands in line with  him as they wait to pick up their kids after school, cashiers at the grocery store, and the guy at the hardware store. Before transitioning, Transman had no idea men took so much interest in other men’s hair.

At first, he wondered if they were trying to “regulate masculinity” somehow, but no one has yelled “get a haircut hippie!” or otherwise suggested they disapproved.

He knows it isn’t from covetousness because most of the commentators also had full heads of hair, and some even had some corkscrew curls of their own.

No one has slipped him a phone number or winked at him, so Transman is pretty sure they weren’t flirting with him.

Maybe he is surrounded by a community of men who simply love hair and everyone who has it. Wait. That sounds a little weird. Even for this blog. Oh, well; suffice it to say Transman is mystified by the reason for the sudden interest in his hair, but he’s not letting it disrupt his sleep or his flossing routine.

Instead, he is embracing his big hair until it all falls out. Back in college, his friend  Faz had the biggest natural hair on campus. His other friend, the Jersey Girl, had the biggest hair that could be had with three cans of Aqua Net (the kind with the pink label, thank you very much). They formed a group with another curly top and called themselves the Big Hair Club. The three of them had the best hair for miles around and they knew it. Transman was always a little sad that he had limp, greasy locks that would never defy gravity. But now? Now, Transman could be President of the Big Hair Club, or at the very least, the historian. Not the treasurer, though, because Transman still sucks at math; testosterone has not changed that.

"Transman, you'll never be part of the Big Hair Club!" the founding members taunt him during the Air Guitar competition.

“Transman, you’ll never be part of the Big Hair Club!” the founding members taunt him during the Air Guitar Competition. Cinderella as the Big Hair Club.

Since Transman hates to say goodbye (and can’t really think  of a suitable ending), he will leave you with the opening from the Hair Bear Bunch:

And … in case you missed it the first time, this lovely piece from The Guardian newspaper on Rock Stars and their Parents. The Zappa family was the epitome of grooviness.

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16 responses to “The Big Hair Club

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