The dulcet tones of Transman?

"Hey, Transman! I've got a hot tip for ya!" John Turturro as Ex.

“Hey, Transman! I’ve got a hot tip for ya! … but, there’s a slight catch.” John Turturro as Ex.

Once upon a time, Transman had a life as a journalist. He interviewed shuffleboard champions, rodeo clowns, musicians, artists, 4-H speech winners, and the occasional mayor or chief of police. His ex recently called to talk to the kids and then said, “Hey, I am going to send you Famous Actor’s phone number. I talked to him tonight and he said you can call.”

Famous Actor grew up not too far from Ex and their families are friendly and all.

Transman’s hackles went up in suspicion. While he appreciated the gesture, he was sure Ex was up to something, or at the very least, hadn’t thought this whole thing through.

“How should I introduce myself?” Transman asked. “As your friend or something?”

“Use your old name and say you’re my ex-wife,” Ex said.

Transman said, “I’m trying to save you some embarrassment here ¬†since you haven’t told your family anything about me. My voice has changed and people assume I’m a man.”

Ex chuckled. “Your voice hasn’t changed a bit. You sound exactly the same. You sound like a woman.”

Transman thought, um-hmm, but he just said, “Well, thanks for thinking of me and getting the number.”

Transman won’t call, but he is sure tempted to–and to go with Ex’s strategy of saying that they were once married. He chuckles in delight at the thought of Famous Actor going around town talking about how “Ex’s husband from America” had called him.

"Are you out of your mind, Ex? Famous Actor won't buy it for a minute that my voice is all due to allergies and candy cigarette addiction."

“Are you out of your mind, Ex? Famous Actor won’t buy it for a minute that my voice is all due to allergies and candy cigarette addiction.” Johnny Depp as Transman.

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9 responses to “The dulcet tones of Transman?

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