“Kids! Supper is ready!” Johnny Depp as Transman. “You’ll have to speak up, I got water in this ear and now I can’t hear anything.”
Transman sucks at cleaning. He hates it, yet has not figured out a way to convince the kids to do it for him. Yes, he did try making it a game and outright bribery, but “Laundry Basket Free Throw” pales in comparison to everything on Xbox. Apparently, the Household Clean-up Challenge even sucks more than the Shaq-Fu game and Atari’s E.T. the Extra Terrestrial game combined. As far as bribery goes, Transman’s kids gave him some lame-o excuse about how “you can’t spend pocket lint!”
Transman thinks the cleaning aversion is genetic. His mother did keep a neat house, but she also had a pathological disorder centered on rearranging the furniture every two days to make room for crap she brought home from thrifting. Her rallying cry whenever she entered a second-hand store was, “It’s hideous! I love it!” Even if she had no idea what IT was, it came home to live with us. She had no choice except to keep pathways clear so she could bring home more things from the Island of Unloved, Broken, and Rejected Nicnacs.
Transman’s father once tried to dry socks by putting them in the microwave. ‘Nuff said.
We won’t go into detail about Transman’s failures at personal grooming, but he did have a cat once that groomed him.
February 16th, 2013 at 12:21 pm
Very funny! Brightened my sickly Saturday.
February 16th, 2013 at 7:08 pm
Sickly Saturday? Boo.
February 16th, 2013 at 1:00 pm
I swear I actually snorted with laughter reading this. So much for my current attempt at being all dignified and grown up! I love your writing so much, every time I get a notification in my email it makes me smile. Thank you.
February 16th, 2013 at 7:08 pm
Dignity schmignity.
February 17th, 2013 at 9:41 am
Good point. I’ll stick with chasing Bob around with a dragon and playing football with a piece of his kibble with him.
February 16th, 2013 at 1:27 pm
It’s no fun down at the OCD end of the pool either, take my word for it.
February 16th, 2013 at 7:06 pm
On the bright side, I’m betting your feet don’t stick to the floor.
February 16th, 2013 at 11:09 pm
Barefoot? Oh no no no.
February 16th, 2013 at 7:44 pm
Fran’s mantra re: cooking: “Anything with more than 2 ingredients is a recipe – and I don’t do recipes.
February 17th, 2013 at 9:29 am
Don’t tell anyone, but I’m actually a decent cook. I don’t let that get around because then people will expect me to cook for them.
February 17th, 2013 at 3:33 pm
General cleaning strike. Who will crack first?
February 18th, 2013 at 8:11 pm
My bet would be that the cat would will herself to grow thumbs to start taking care of the house.
February 18th, 2013 at 10:17 am
Why haven’t I ever dried socks in the microwave? I need to try this now!
February 18th, 2013 at 8:11 pm
From what I recall, the socks did start smoking after a minute or so; be thankful the idea never occurred to you.
February 20th, 2013 at 8:51 am
The grilled cheese by iron thing actually works, I kept an iron for cooking in my barracks room at one point. I also learned to do laundry when my mother went on laundry strike when I was 14.
February 20th, 2013 at 8:50 pm
We can make a Cooking With Household Items cookbook–coffee grounds in a clean sock can be boiled in a pot of water, so you can have a beverage with those ironed grilled cheese sandwiches.
February 22nd, 2013 at 11:53 am
There are affordable maids. Get one. lol That is my 2 cents.
February 22nd, 2013 at 5:22 pm
Oh, Transman can’t even afford the most affordable of maids. He’s kind of hoping Mary Poppins will show up and set everybody up to clean and fend for themselves.
February 22nd, 2013 at 8:48 pm
No, I think you need Nanny McPhee. lol
February 23rd, 2013 at 8:34 am
I would even settle for the robot maid Rosie on the Jetsons. I don’t even mind about us not having jet cars yet, but they could hurry up on the robot maids.
February 24th, 2013 at 12:00 am
No doubt.