With each major step toward becoming himself, Transman gets less and less excitement out of it, which is really really weird. Transman’s doctor finally wrote him a letter so he could change the gender marker on his driver’s license and passport, etc. So, on a lunch break last week, Transman went to the Department of Motor Vehicles and got himself a brand spankin’ new license with the correct name and gender on it.
When he started his physical transition, he couldn’t wait to have this confirmation and ID that matched his presentation. While he is glad to have it and especially glad no one gave him a hard time about his documents, he feels detached, kind of ho-hum about it. He has the same kind of detached clinical interest in the way he is now consistently gendered male now–nearly everyone who has never met him calls him “sir” and uses masculine pronouns.
But, those who knew him “before” still have a hard time. For example, Transman was at a friend’s house and a tree service crew was there. As his friend was talking to the service man, she referred to Transman as “she” once and the guy didn’t even seem to recognize what Transman’s friend had said. When the man left, he shook Transman’s hand and called him “sir.” What Transman finds so strange about all of this is that he has passed over some invisible line that marks him as male to everyone who has no prior experience with him, yet his friends and family—and often still he—can’t see it.
Now Transman is eager for the facial hair to show up enough to let it grow in. That will be an undeniable marker to those who have known him. Even if they still struggle with calling him by the correct name and using the right pronouns, the external reminder of his maleness will make them seem silly or weird if they call him “she” in public.
Maybe the real reason he feels little excitement over the ID cards and formal recognition of his identity is that he is already living as himself. The confirmation is helpful for legal purposes, but not something Transman has to deal with every day. He is himself now and the interactions with most people are how they should have been from the start.