“The state now recognizes me as male? Splendid; I still have to make dinner.” Buster Keaton as Transman.
With each major step toward becoming himself, Transman gets less and less excitement out of it, which is really really weird. Transman’s doctor finally wrote him a letter so he could change the gender marker on his driver’s license and passport, etc. So, on a lunch break last week, Transman went to the Department of Motor Vehicles and got himself a brand spankin’ new license with the correct name and gender on it.
When he started his physical transition, he couldn’t wait to have this confirmation and ID that matched his presentation. While he is glad to have it and especially glad no one gave him a hard time about his documents, he feels detached, kind of ho-hum about it. He has the same kind of detached clinical interest in the way he is now consistently gendered male now–nearly everyone who has never met him calls him “sir” and uses masculine pronouns.
But, those who knew him “before” still have a hard time. For example, Transman was at a friend’s house and a tree service crew was there. As his friend was talking to the service man, she referred to Transman as “she” once and the guy didn’t even seem to recognize what Transman’s friend had said. When the man left, he shook Transman’s hand and called him “sir.” What Transman finds so strange about all of this is that he has passed over some invisible line that marks him as male to everyone who has no prior experience with him, yet his friends and family—and often still he—can’t see it.
Now Transman is eager for the facial hair to show up enough to let it grow in. That will be an undeniable marker to those who have known him. Even if they still struggle with calling him by the correct name and using the right pronouns, the external reminder of his maleness will make them seem silly or weird if they call him “she” in public.
Maybe the real reason he feels little excitement over the ID cards and formal recognition of his identity is that he is already living as himself. The confirmation is helpful for legal purposes, but not something Transman has to deal with every day. He is himself now and the interactions with most people are how they should have been from the start.
February 10th, 2013 at 10:01 am
I agree that the reason it isn’t exciting to you is that it isn’t anything other than you should have. It isn’t something new, in that it is finally the right papers/documents for the person you have been forever.
I am still happy for you. (Though, please, if you are using a knife that size to cut an onion in your hand aim away from your thumb!!
)
February 10th, 2013 at 10:03 am
Buster was a nut on and off the screen.
February 10th, 2013 at 10:03 am
And liked to live on the edge it seems!!
February 10th, 2013 at 4:43 pm
I totally understand what you mean. When Kyle started T it seemed so…. “ordinary”.
It was such a momentous occasion but at the same time seemed so anticlimatic. So I get what you’re saying.
February 12th, 2013 at 6:20 pm
It is strange how quickly it becomes normal.
February 10th, 2013 at 7:05 pm
Good insight my friend. It was great talking on the phone recently.
February 12th, 2013 at 6:20 pm
Yes, it was. Thanks for the call.
February 10th, 2013 at 8:02 pm
I am excited & happy for your normalcy and non-excitement.
February 12th, 2013 at 6:21 pm
Settle down! You’re way too excited.
February 13th, 2013 at 8:38 pm
I peed in the corner like the hyper puppy I was after that post, and am now settled back into my usual depressed state. Actually, don’t know how ‘usual’ it is, just familar, I’ve been meaning to chart my moods just to see how often I get blah and down, but who has the time and discipline? Not I. Here’s to more normal plugging along through life for all of us. Cheerio, Queerio.
February 10th, 2013 at 8:03 pm
I think your last paragraph hit the nail on the head. I just recently got my drivers lic updated with appropriate name and gender. Of course I was on Cloud 9 for a while before the reality of living authentically settled in. I was laying on the couch asking myself how reality compared what I thought it would be like living gender congruence. I wasn’t able to adequately answer the question because I thought the day would never come! Settle in – get a new tattoo! Grow mutto-chops LOL – always Uber Sexy
February 12th, 2013 at 6:24 pm
Settling into it is about right. Congrats on your updated ID. Maybe we should make greeting cards “Congrats on being you!”
My chin whiskers have multiplied into teenage boy wispy goatee mode, but not enough yet to truly grow anything.
February 10th, 2013 at 11:21 pm
That’s what I was thinking…the excitement has worn off because now you feel normal.
I’m gonna write a post next week about removing my facial hair, btw. You want yours to grow. I want to banish mine forever. Funny. =)
February 12th, 2013 at 6:25 pm
My sisters have all offered to donate theirs. One has asked for my moobs, but alas, we cannot work out a transplant.
February 11th, 2013 at 2:15 am
Well I am excited for you.
February 12th, 2013 at 6:25 pm
Thank you … use it as an excuse to do cartwheels.
February 12th, 2013 at 8:33 pm
Right, no time Art History and moving to Arizona but when I get there cartwheels.
February 13th, 2013 at 5:39 pm
Excuses, excuses.