Last weekend, Transman saw his father in person for the first time since coming out. It was fairly uneventful. The Oul Fella was celebrating his 81st spin on the planet and Transman’s sisters Sherpa and Daisy organized a gathering that included the old man’s even older sister, his present and past spouses, children, grandchildren, neighbors, friends, etc. Believe me, our family puts the “fun” in dysfunction.
Transman and his spawn made the journey down and immediately offended everyone by staying in a hotel. Really. But, Transman knows Son 2′s “exuberance for life” and Son 1′s moody teenager moping coupled with Transman himself really wouldn’t have done the Oul Fella’s ticker any good at all. Transman wants to give him a chance to make it to 82. Besides, Transman wanted a giant bed all to himself and people who would clean up after him.
The day of the party arrived and the Transclan showed up at the pizza parlor (because don’t all octogenarians love pizza and video games?) and Transman braced himself for the possible drunken outburst, inappropriate jokes, or snickering from any number of attendees. None of that happened, though. On the plus side, that creepy former-spouse of a third-cousin didn’t try to feel him up during the “greeting hug.” Happily, the aforementioned creepy guy didn’t even try to hug Transman this time.
No one even commented on Transman’s neckbeard or crazy testosterone-induced Will Ferrell hair, but his sister Twyla Faye did say, “God!” when she saw Transman and pulled him in for a hug. She said it with an awe-filled hushed tone to her voice, so Transman thinks she meant it in a good way. (For a guy who hates hugs, Transman got more than his fair share over the weekend).
Transman thought he would get through the weekend without really discussing the elephant in the room. However, on Day 2 of the journey, he and the lads went to visit the patriarch at home. While the boys were occupied with fishing and trying to hook their uncle by the ear during casting, Transman’s dad made eye contact for the first time and said, “Are you happy with what you’re doing?”
“Yes,” Transman said. “I feel better than I’ve ever felt.”
“Okay,” the Oul Fella said then added, “You’ll always be my baby, you know.”
Then they nearly had to punch each other in the throat to keep from crying.
And now I offer you the ambiguous lyrics of Paul Simon in his catchy tune “Mother and Child Reunion,” which is actually about his dog and named after a dish Simon saw in a Chinese restaurant.