Just go already!

Roman-era public toilets. Transman is happy he didn’t have to help conquer the world.

Transman has written about bathrooms before. He’s not obsessed with them or anything, but since he needs to make use of them throughout the day, public bathrooms do cause him more than his share of anxiety.

Now that Transman has a deeper voice and the suggestion of stubble, he’s not so nervous about going in the men’s room. However, the bathroom at work still makes him panic–mostly because so many people have seen him going in the women’s room for a year and now that he’s using the men’s room, there is a bit of awkwardness. His immediate coworkers know about his changes, so there’s a little weirdness where they are still seeing the “woman” they used to work with. There are also many more people who don’t work directly with him and don’t know about the changes who were unsure of whether he was a man or a woman and were freaked out seeing him going in the women’s room. Just when they got used to the sight, here he is going in the men’s room.

One of Transman’s bosses suggested that he use a bathroom near the cafeteria and try to use it during “slow times–you know, after lunch, when no one’s around.” Unfortunately, nature doesn’t like to have a schedule imposed upon it, and tends to come knockin’ whenever it damn well pleases. Even if he could time his bladder fullness around the cafeteria’s non-busy moments, the bathroom in question often has problems and isn’t usable half the time.

So, Transman has to use the larger bathrooms with multiple stalls and urinals.

Transman usually ducks into the closest stall and does his business.

Sometimes Transman enters the bathroom and, just as he’s about to do his thing, someone else comes in. Transman is concerned that a co-worker who may not be comfortable with his transition might be in the bathroom with him. He’s not sure why he cares. He doesn’t expect violence, but doesn’t want to feel like he’s being inspected when all he wants to do is relieve his bladder.

So, he hangs out in the stall and waits. And waits. And waits more. (You know that myth that men are supposed to be absolute slobs in the bathroom and are expected to sort of spray-n-run? Well, the guys Transman works with didn’t get the memo. In fact, they may all be Felix Unger clones, because not only do they wash their hands for more than the recommended 20 seconds, they all take handfuls of paper towels and wipe up the counter, the sinks, and the mirrors. Then, the cleaning crew seems to come in right on their heels and repeat the whole thing. Transman spends 45 minutes in the bathroom waiting for it to clear out.)

He misses working in a place with a single unisex bathroom.

Thank goodness there’s no restroom attendant on duty.

“Might I suggest the Eau de Oeufs, sir?” The Easter Bunny doing his regular gig–the egg hiding thing is seasonal work, you know; the rabbit has a lot of kids to support.