“Transdaddy, we need to go car shopping.” Wilt Chamberlain as Son 1.
Transman isn’t totally obsessed with being short (because, really, he’s not that short, really. I swear.), but he had a humbling experience when his barely-into-his-teenage-years son got out the measuring tape the other night and said, “Let’s see how tall I am.”
Son 1 is 6’2″. Transman is panicked. There’s still a good 5-6 years of growing ahead for Son 1. He will be 9 feet tall. We need to move out of our house and into a giant Redwood.
Forget hauling that kid anywhere in the overgrown roller skate we refer to as the family car. We’re now in the market for a Liebherr T 282B.
Not only will Son 1 fit in the cab of this, the dump bed is the perfect size for hauling the lad’s daily fill of groceries.
Let’s not even go into the amount of food the lad can pack away. Transman thought he had a magic refrigerator for a while because as soon as he put food inside, it disappeared. Then, one afternoon as he was unloading the groceries, he realized a giant hand was reaching over and intercepting everything Transman was taking out of the bags and trying to put on the shelf.
“I said, ‘Go make me a sandwich, little man,’” Andre the Giant as Son 1 bossing around his Transdaddy.
October 17th, 2012 at 7:56 pm
We feel your pain. Storm is 6′ so it isn’t as bad for him but I am only 5’4″ and our son is 6’4″. If he doesn’t sit down, I have to talk to his belly button. Feeding him was, and even though he doesn’t live at home anymore, still is a chore of some magnitude. All I can say is good luck.
October 17th, 2012 at 7:58 pm
Thank you for the supporting words. This really isn’t a surprise since he is following family patterns, but my bank account is definitely alarmed.
October 17th, 2012 at 8:00 pm
Yes, I’d panic, too! My son grew 6 inches in less than 3 months. Was in a size 14 shoe at 13. I’m sending you our one very used Liebherr T…but in good working order. Never bothered to empty groceries into fridge…just dumped on driveway…so much more efficient…especially on the fridge.
October 17th, 2012 at 8:01 pm
Is dumping groceries in the driveway and then peeling out in bad taste?
October 18th, 2012 at 3:41 am
Sounds sensible to me.
October 18th, 2012 at 9:26 am
Good one…..you win.
October 17th, 2012 at 10:40 pm
My stepsons are all over 6′ 1″ and I feel your pain in trying to feed them!
Also, I remember when I used to work with teenagers that when we went on a hike or a trip of any kind I used to have to carry a backpack full of snacks as if the lads didn’t eat every twenty minutes they threatened to die of starvation!
Buy shares in a grocery chain, you will be contributing to their profits so you might as well benefit in some way!
October 18th, 2012 at 8:29 pm
I’m just going to move into the grocery store. That way, there’s always someone who will buff the floors and mop up after us. It’s sort of a version of “From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler.”
October 19th, 2012 at 2:41 pm
That is sheer genius. Better yet move into a store that does household items like beds as well as groceries – that way you won’t have to camp out on the paper towels every night.
October 18th, 2012 at 1:06 pm
I sympathize. But I only have a pair of finicky cats, and I’ve got them beat in both height and opposable thumbs.
October 18th, 2012 at 8:30 pm
If it isn’t my kid, it’s the cat looking for a hand-out.
October 19th, 2012 at 1:55 am
And they expect you to worship them! At least kids want you to leave them alone after a while.
October 19th, 2012 at 11:45 am
Omigod, this was hilarious. Why hasn’t some really groovy and important magazine just snagged you up yet? Sorry to have been away for awhile. Took a blogation to clear my mind (or so I could finish watching all the episodes of Dr. Who…ever), but I’m back. Missed you. You need to find out what was in Alice’s “Drink Me” potion and brew some of that stuff up for Son 1. I hear that redwoods are haunted.
October 23rd, 2012 at 5:07 pm
Magazines fear my power. That’s the only reason I can come up with.
October 23rd, 2012 at 5:18 pm
Yeah, let’s both keep telling ourselves that!
October 22nd, 2012 at 2:00 pm
When I was younger I was told I could not have coffee cus it stunted your growth. I tried it on our Son, but like Angel said he is 6’4″ now, just imagine what he would be if I had not fed him coffee.
October 23rd, 2012 at 9:02 pm
If you hadn’t given him coffee, he could well be 9 feet tall.
October 22nd, 2012 at 8:42 pm
FYI I haven’t been here because I am not getting my Word Press subscription notifications. Miss your blog. Hope all is well.
October 23rd, 2012 at 9:04 pm
Thank you … yeah, Word Press is being weird on my end, too.