An interesting post from the perspective of a friend and roommate of a trans woman discussing the emotions she witnesses her friend going through as people do or don’t gender her correctly.

Originally posted on Internal Charm:

The longer I live with Denise, the more I recognize that a particular sort of timidness on the surface is borne of a deep-seated group of complex fears which are easily confused with a sort of guilt which those of us who support our trans friends might describe as misplaced.  Be careful, dear readers, for what we (and sometimes our trans friends themselves) describe as guilt may in fact be simple fear or anxiety.  Regardless, being dismissive of the things any person feels at the core is a very good way to make that person feel bad.

Fear Can Seem Like Guilt

(compilation of images from Darren Robertson,

Timidity and Self-Reproach

A week or two ago, an old roommate and good friend of mine, Brian, was in town for a business trip and popped by to visit.  He and Denise and I played a game, and towards the end Brian misgendered Denise (his brain…

View original 1,391 more words

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2 responses to “

  • Alison

    Thank you for sharing this. This was a really touching post.

    Today I face the situation where my mother has told me to change my life or she is out of it. I don’t know what to do. I am not trans, I don’t have the hardships that come with that, but my beliefs and life are not what she approves of and it has come to a head. I am lost.

    Your blog is giving me strength as I re-read it today. Thank you

    • transparentguy

      I am very sorry to hear that. It is so sad to think people are capable of telling their own children things like that. I hope there is some kind of understanding and healing in the future for you two.

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