Raised by wolves

“Old MacDonald never had nothin’ like this on his farm.” Keith and Marlon Richards and a friend as Transman and sons. Image from Tumblr.  

Transman’s tired and lazy, so he is doing what he hates for other people to do–repeat all the crap his kids say. Mr. Cosby, take five. Go get yourself a new sweater or some pudding to share with Art Linkletter’s ghost, because here’s tonight’s version of “Kids Say The Darndest Things.”

On the topic of grooming

Son 2: “I’m gonna make something out of ear wax.”

****

You know you’ve dressed for success when your kid says, “You look like a scientist!”

“Quiet, you!” Mr. Peabody as himself.

****

While Son 2 was brushing his teeth, he spat, and looked at our reflections in the mirror. He said, “You have the best hair in the house!” I’m not sure whose reflection he was talking to, but he was adamant.

“I think hilarious things, too, but I keep them to myself.” Slash as Son 1 who actually does have the best hair in the house.

On the subject of school

Me: “How was school?”
Son 2: “Kinda good. Kinda bad.”
Me: “How’s your teacher?”
Son 2: “She yells a lot.”

****

Me: “So, how was school?”
Son 2: “I’m in the Monster Club.”
To hell with you, Rocket Club nerds!

“Be one of us!”

****

 According to an interview in his school newspaper Son 2 “wants to be a cheetah and plans on going to college.”

“They laughed when I said I was going to college to find my next husband!” Kim Kardashian better keep her claws offa Son 2.

****

Son 2 collapsing in a giggle fit, “is there really a book called Moby Dick?”  Oh, Mr. Melville, you really needed to have an editor who could point out this potential flaw in your legacy. “But, Herman, school children for generations will laugh until they wet themselves.”

Miscellaneous subjects

Son 2: “Guess who?”
Me: “Ethel Merman?” (Just giving him material to discuss in all those therapy sessions he has in his future.)

“I’m going to rewrite this post so it’s actually funny!” Ethel Merman as herself.

****

Son 2: “Do you have enough money for a mansion? I really want one of those.”

****

Son 2: “Want a song stuck in your head?”
Me: “No.”
Son 2: “Ice, ice baby …”
I am raising Damian.

“Word to your mother.” Vanilla Ice as himself.

 

 

 

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