“You Slick Up Pretty Good There, Buddy.”

“Don’t be afraid to shine like a diamond!” Sir Elton John gives young Transman (as played by Johnny Depp) fashion advice. Image: Mtv.com

“I talked to Writer the other day,” Neighbor told Transman. (To understand who Writer and Neighbor are, click here.)

“Yeah?” Transman said. “How is he?”

“Good, I guess,” Neighbor said, and discreetly used his spit cup. “He asked about you.”

“Yeah?” (Transman is famous for his conversational skill.)

“Yeah, he asked how, y’know, things were going with you. I told him you dress a lot better as a guy. You used to have that hippie vibe and now you’re all in suits and keep your hair high and tight.”

Transman ran his hand through his hair, suddenly self conscious about his newfound dandyism.

Son 2 chose that moment to run up and jump on Transman. Son 2 filched the pocket square out of his Transdaddy’s suit and ran off screaming something about pirates.

Neighbor spat again and looked at Transman, his eyes twinkling.

“Well, I have to dress professionally at work now,” Transman said, making an excuse for his attention to detail.

Neighbor nodded and grinned, obviously fighting the urge to laugh.

How do you get that good looking?

A day in the life of Dandy Mr. Transman

starring Cary Grant

Transman starts every day with a short workout.

“You gotta bob and weave. By the way, the white stripe accentuates my trim physique.”

Then, he takes a shower and shaves.

“Damn, I really am handsome.”

He contemplates what to wear …

Maybe the Mock Turtle outfit? No, no. I forgot. There’s a staff meeting today. I’ll save this for Casual Friday.

Transman drinks his coffee and steadies himself for the day.

“Nothing’s finer than a cup of joe in the morning! Well … yes, there is something finer: ME.”

Transman gets into his very fuel-efficient ride and rushes to work.

“Go ahead and laugh. But, I can get from here to Miami and back on one tank. I use the money I save to buy cufflinks.”

While at work, he finds ways to avoid looming deadlines …

“I’m sorry I deleted the email! I’ll never do it again!”

“Go ahead and start the meeting; I’ll be there in just a minute … I’m admiring my socks.”

Sometimes, he goes out to lunch and pretends to be urbane.

“And there was this time when I was in Brazil …”

In the evening, he goes home and …


“I am almost as crisp as this breeze.”

Spends time with his family,

“Yes, we try to feed them nothing but Red Dye No. 5, corn filler, and Splenda.”


Spends time with the family pet.

“C’mon, play dead. Why on earth must you do the opposite of everything I tell you?”

But, mostly, he sits around looking good.

Looking damn good.

“Oh, this old thing? It’s just something I threw on.”

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16 responses to ““You Slick Up Pretty Good There, Buddy.”

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