“Don’t be afraid to shine like a diamond!” Sir Elton John gives young Transman (as played by Johnny Depp) fashion advice. Image: Mtv.com
“I talked to Writer the other day,” Neighbor told Transman. (To understand who Writer and Neighbor are, click here.)
“Yeah?” Transman said. “How is he?”
“Good, I guess,” Neighbor said, and discreetly used his spit cup. “He asked about you.”
“Yeah?” (Transman is famous for his conversational skill.)
“Yeah, he asked how, y’know, things were going with you. I told him you dress a lot better as a guy. You used to have that hippie vibe and now you’re all in suits and keep your hair high and tight.”
Transman ran his hand through his hair, suddenly self conscious about his newfound dandyism.
Son 2 chose that moment to run up and jump on Transman. Son 2 filched the pocket square out of his Transdaddy’s suit and ran off screaming something about pirates.
Neighbor spat again and looked at Transman, his eyes twinkling.
“Well, I have to dress professionally at work now,” Transman said, making an excuse for his attention to detail.
Neighbor nodded and grinned, obviously fighting the urge to laugh.
How do you get that good looking?
A day in the life of Dandy Mr. Transman
starring Cary Grant
Transman starts every day with a short workout.
“You gotta bob and weave. By the way, the white stripe accentuates my trim physique.”
Then, he takes a shower and shaves.
“Damn, I really am handsome.”
He contemplates what to wear …
Maybe the Mock Turtle outfit? No, no. I forgot. There’s a staff meeting today. I’ll save this for Casual Friday.
Transman drinks his coffee and steadies himself for the day.
“Nothing’s finer than a cup of joe in the morning! Well … yes, there is something finer: ME.”
Transman gets into his very fuel-efficient ride and rushes to work.
“Go ahead and laugh. But, I can get from here to Miami and back on one tank. I use the money I save to buy cufflinks.”
While at work, he finds ways to avoid looming deadlines …
“I’m sorry I deleted the email! I’ll never do it again!”
“Go ahead and start the meeting; I’ll be there in just a minute … I’m admiring my socks.”
Sometimes, he goes out to lunch and pretends to be urbane.
“And there was this time when I was in Brazil …”
In the evening, he goes home and …
Relaxes,
“I am almost as crisp as this breeze.”
Spends time with his family,
“Yes, we try to feed them nothing but Red Dye No. 5, corn filler, and Splenda.”
–AND–
Spends time with the family pet.
“C’mon, play dead. Why on earth must you do the opposite of everything I tell you?”
But, mostly, he sits around looking good.
Looking damn good.
“Oh, this old thing? It’s just something I threw on.”
August 7th, 2012 at 9:29 pm
Oh please let this all be true!! Another sterling post, Mr Transman!! Thank you for sharing your life and gift with the world. (Looking pretty dapper, too!)
August 7th, 2012 at 9:29 pm
Every single word is true.
August 7th, 2012 at 9:51 pm
Ha ha ha! I love that your hair is “high and tight.” So, you’re a dandy now? Sounds like you’re ready for a bottom bitch.
August 7th, 2012 at 10:02 pm
People do confuse me for Oscar Wilde all the time.
August 7th, 2012 at 10:10 pm
I know this one. I know this one. What are Things That Stephen Fry Said?
August 8th, 2012 at 12:23 am
I was gonna comment on the “high and tight” thing, immediately wondering how a guy achieves that look without the teeny tiny curling iron I used to amp my super-sweet bangs when I was 16, but Cristy beat me to it.
Curse you Carrington!
August 8th, 2012 at 7:10 am
Neighbor’s actual words … but they are inaccurate. The high & tight haircut is a variation on the flattop. Like this:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/barber_man/5449099827/
But, this is closer to what’s actually going on on top of my head:
http://rivet-head.blogspot.com/2010/03/short-back-sides.html
August 8th, 2012 at 9:32 am
Love the visuals, and in the battle to age gracefully, keeping all or most of your hair puts you squarely at the top (not that you’re aging or lack grace…just sayin’). =)
August 8th, 2012 at 2:37 pm
You’ve been tagged for some fun http://stormsilvermane.wordpress.com/2012/08/08/neat-little-qa-thingie-to-lighten-the-mood/
August 8th, 2012 at 5:12 pm
People often forget style and looking sharp are one and the same.
August 9th, 2012 at 11:46 pm
Mr. Blackwell can put down his pen forever. Transman is perfection.
August 8th, 2012 at 5:13 pm
I lurb Cary Grant.
Now if you keep talking about your dandy dressing and your aversion to marriage, while using pictures of Johnny Depp and Cary Grant, you’re going to have to start fielding a lot of love sick blog groupies. Women just love emotionally unavailable mystery men And homicidal maniacs. But emotionally unavailable mystery men even more.
August 9th, 2012 at 11:44 pm
I can get groupies just by blogging? Cool. I was afraid I’d actually have to learn how to play guitar or something.
August 10th, 2012 at 12:00 am
You don’t even have to bother learning Smoke On The Water.
August 15th, 2012 at 3:13 pm
Yanno, Cary Grant would have made a sexy James Bond. My favorite movie he was in though, was a comedy. He had very good comedic timing. Have you seen Arsenic and Old Lace? Hilarious!!
But back to Bond… if Transman can channel the charisma and coolness of Johnny Depp and Cary Grant BOTH, he would make the best 007 EVER.
August 15th, 2012 at 5:31 pm
I’m far too clumsy to be Bond. Inspector Clouseau is the best I can hope for.
Cary Grant was great in those Screwball comedies. “Bringing Up Baby” is another one worth checking out.