Transman has a friend who is always telling him he should get remarried because his life would be easier. While Transman has made a case for why he’d be a great boyfriend, he would suck as a husband.
Transman can’t envision being married again. He can’t even imagine a relationship … not because he’s a transman so much, but more because he can’t imagine giving up his freedom. Besides, he has a talent for always saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.
The marriage would be over before they walked back outside and got pelted with birdseed or whatever people throw at married couples these days. Speaking of that ritual, Transman thinks all weddings should be mixed with a Mardi Gras parade and people should throw beads and candy–and if the gals want to flash the crowd, that’s okay, too. See? Transman is a childish, thrill-seeking, sexist pig.
Here is what would happen if Transman tied the knot again:
Things would start well with an intimate little ceremony in front of close family and friends.
The trouble would start on the Hawaiian honeymoon
After a sun-and-sand-and-poi drenched week, the couple would return to their home and settle into domestic bliss … until one morning when Transman wakes up to find his cave has been redecorated.
That old adage, “You don’t really know someone until you live with them,” becomes truly evident one night when Mr. and Mrs. Transman reorganize his library to incorporate her books into the collection.
The semi-happy couple would try to fit in with the neighbors, going to dinner parties and “family game night” at the Smythe-Jones residence. They would start out fine, but Transman would get himself in trouble.
First, he would zone out during the sing-along and get caught looking like he was ogling Mrs. Smythe-Jones.
Life with the Transfamily would be difficult at times. Transman and Son 2 would try Mrs. Transman’s patience to no end. The straw that breaks the camel’s back is when the Transfellas start a country-ska band, The Muddtones, and practice their Johnny Cash-Prince Buster medley for three weeks straight.
Mrs. Transman would try to talk to her husband about her concerns, but he would be too wrapped up in his dart gun cane modification project to pay her his full attention.
Mrs. Transman would get fed up and pedal away, taking their beloved dachshund, Mr. Weeney with her.
To cope with the pain of Mrs. Transman leaving and taking Mr. Weeney, Transman would read to Son 2, fix his bike, and get a new dog.