Charlyne Yi & Publishing Plan C

“I love the idea of being in love … but, uh, not with you. No. Gross.” Charlyne Yi in her film Paper Heart. Image.

Charlyne Yi is hysterical. Transman laughs himself silly at the videos on her Youtube channel. You should go there and check it out for yourself. The musical parody, the awkwardness, the dorkiness, the self-conscious cuteness … all of it is magnificent.

Now, onto Transman’s Publishing Plan C. He’s going to mention Charlyne Yi enough times in his blogs that his blog will appear every time her name is typed into a search engine. Instead of getting pissed, she will see the humor in the situation and be inspired to make a video featuring Transman in some way. Maybe she’ll drop in on Transman and the kids and go play paintball until someone loses an eye. Maybe she’ll make a stick-figure animation of Transman being trampled by a herd of buffalo. Maybe she’ll write a song that gently mocks him for liking ’80s music and Pop-tarts.

“Look, Bobby, you talk to Transman. Tell him I’ll respect his story. Harvey Keitel is on board to play his dad.” Robert DeNiro and Martin Scorsese as themselves. Image.

Whatever she decides, the video will go viral and the whole entertainment industry will ask, “Who is this Transman?!” Then, film offers will roll in. Martin Scorsese will get in a fist-fight with Guy Ritchie over who gets to direct the biopic. Sofia Coppola will get into the fray, pulling Martin Scorsese’s eyebrows until he cries.

The film directors’ fight on the mean streets will be ugly, but it will kick the publicity machine into high gear. The publishing industry will sluggishly awaken and want in on the action. Transman will get a book deal. Sure, the movie will come out before the book, but Transman does everything backwards anyway. He is the one-man version of Kriss Kross.

Or, maybe it will backfire and Charlyne Yi will join up with Johnny Depp and Sean Connery in a class-action lawsuit against Transman.

“For the last time, stop writing about me! Here’s your stupid manuscript!” Charlyne Yi as herself. Robert Sean Leonard as Transman. Image.

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