The other night Transman and his older son were sitting on the couch and Transman’s son said, “What the hell is that?” and pointed to a wiry white hair on Transman’s forearm.
“It’s a white hair,” Transman said.
“Yeah, but it’s curly,” Transman’s son said.
The boy-man leaned over and inspected Transman’s arm.
“I think you have more hair on your arms than me,” the lad said glumly. (If you’ve been following Transman at all, you know he and his teenage son are in a mustache/body hair growing contest. If you haven’t been following, well … welcome to the weirdness that is our world.)
Transman put his leg up on the coffee table and rubbed the hair on his calf.
“I can grow my own socks,” Transman announced.
Boy-man raised the bottom of his shirt and rubbed the hair circling his belly button. This is the lad’s trump card. So far, he is winning the chest hair portion of the competition. To fully understand Transman’s deep-seated resentment of those who sprout chest pelts, please see this: http://theadventuresoftransman.com/2012/02/25/envy-of-a-fur-shirt/
Transman did what any self-respecting man would do and put Boy-man in a headlock and gave him a noogie. Boy-man shoved a finger in Transman’s arm pit and dug in, using his patented fight move, “The Devil’s Tickle.” The pair slid to the floor in a pushing-shoving-wrestling frenzy that was only broken up by the appearance of youngest member of the clan who jumped on the pair like a cowboy dropping onto a saddle bronc at the rodeo.
The youngest fella has boney heels that hurt more than real spurs when he kicks and the boy was doing his best mule imitation. Transman and Boy-man stopped wrestling and crawled back to their respective corners of the couch to lick their wounds and comb their fur back into place.
The youngest plopped down between them and said, “When are you two going to grow up?”
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Since it’s Friday, you need some tunes. Jack White’s American Express UNSTAGED is tonight at 9 p.m. at: youtube.com/JackWhiteVEVO
Here’s a sneak peek of Jack and actor-turned-director Gary Oldman wrestling around on the floor and Jack playing some tunes with the band: