Jack’s the Man

Leonardo DiCaprio as Transman; Jack Nicholson as himself. “Yuck it up, pretty boy. I used to have a full head of hair and six-pack abs, too.” Image: imdb.com

Okay, Transman took a cheap shot at Jack Nicholson in the last post. But he did it out of love; Jack can take it. He’s one tough mofo.

Next to Jack, Transman is only an amateur badass. Jack has 12 Oscar nominations under his belt; Transman won a sixth place ribbon for the swim team when he was 8. A skilled artist, Jack turned down a job as an animator for Hanna Barbera, because he wanted to pursue acting; Transman was once demoted from fry cook duty to shrimp de-veiner. Nicholson used to live next door to Marlon Brando; Transman doesn’t know his neighbors’ names. Groucho Marx’s son, Arthur, did a profile of Nicholson; Transman has watched all of the Marx Brothers’ movies, even the crappy ones like Love Happy.

“Never gonna let you down …” Rick Astley just got in line to kick Transman’s ass. Image: blueviagrapill.com

Despite the jokes, Transman digs the fact that Jack has aged naturally–something that is tougher and tougher to do in American society if you’re an average guy and nearly impossible if you’re an A-list actor. Everywhere people are assaulted with miracle cures against aging–little blue pills, botulinum toxin injections, and creams and potions to shore up each and every thing that sags.

When Jack’s hairline headed north while his gut headed south, he wore both like badges of achievement. His wrinkles and gray hair are external proof of a life lived to the Nth. May we all laugh and love enough to have those lines around around our eyes.

Jack’s version from Louise Gannon’s profile of him in the Daily Mail:

‘If men are honest, everything they do and everywhere they go is for a chance to see women. There were points in my life where I felt oddly irresistible to women. I’m not in that state now and that makes me sad.

‘But I also believe that a lot of the improvements in my character have come through ageing and the diminishing of powers. It’s all a balancing act; you just have to get used to the ride.’

“Laugh all you like Transman; have you seen my girlfriend? You crying? You sad now?” Jack Nicholson as himself. Image: fanpop.com

Or … the short version, “Dear Jack: Please don’t kick my ass. Your pal, Transman.”

Read more of Gannon’s interview with Jack Nicholson here.

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