When Transman came out and told friends and family that he was going to be going through the long process of changing his body to match his brain, most reacted with a shrug and went back to swilling their beers or coffees or whatever. For most, Transman’s coming out didn’t seem to be much of a surprise. In fact, one of his friends was shocked to find out he had been born with female bits.
Here are Transman’s favorite reactions to his coming out:
"I'm getting all verklempt with Transman's story. His son ... like butter." Image: fanpop.com
5. Transman was very nervous about telling his kids what was up. He had visions of tears and screaming, of rejection, of his children telling him they didn’t love him or were embarrassed by him. But that didn’t happen. His oldest son said, “Why would you be afraid to tell me this? You raised me; I love you.” Now, before you get all verklempt, Transman should tell you that the boy hugged his daddy-mommy and then sat back and looked him over again. Then he said, “Why would I care what you do? You’re weird anyway.”
4. One of his oldest–as in he’s known her for a long time; she’s eternally 29–friends apologized profusely for making him wear a dress to be in her wedding. “Oh, dude, I am so sorry. I feel awful. Gosh, I wish I would have known; you could’ve worn a tux or something.” Then she immediately asked if he could change the oil in her car.
3. Transman’s neighbor came over to tell him, “Expect to hear me tell a lot more dick jokes now.” Then the neighbor eyed Transman’s George Kastanza-esque physique and said, “You wanna start working out with us? Pump up. Get some guns.”
2. One of Transman’s friends from his high school years said he was very relieved to hear this news because, “I was always wondering why–as a totally gay boy–I had such a crush on you. You made me question my sexuality for years.”
"So this Transman, he would be a perfect husband ..." Image: 2ndavedeli.com
1. Two of Transman’s female friends immediately went into matchmaker mode. “I have the perfect girl for you,” each one shrieked as he finished his Coming Out speech. Transman had been single for a while. No one had wanted to introduce him to their friends until he had decided to let his freak flag fly. Suddenly, Transman was a commodity. He wondered how his friends would pitch him to these single gals in their lives: “I’ve got the perfect man for you! He’s good with kids. He’s funny. He’s smart. He has a job. He has a Ph.D. He has boobs.”
February 9th, 2012 at 1:57 am
Gold.
And so heart-warming to hear you had so many positive responses!
February 9th, 2012 at 6:19 pm
Yeah, very few people reacted negatively. I’ve noticed a generational thing, too, where people in their 20s and younger really don’t care at all. They’re much more open-minded to the possibilities in life because they grew up with much more information than my generation did.
February 9th, 2012 at 6:44 am
One of my best friends (and I swear she’s family from a past life) is a transwoman. I wanted her to stand in my wedding and was going to buy her dress myself, but there was too much drama going on for her to attend.
Oh- its nice to know I’m not the only weirdo up this early. I’m still recovering from an epic birthday party. Said friend was the last to leave.
February 9th, 2012 at 6:21 pm
Happy birthday to you? I hope you didn’t have to make your own gluten-free cake.
February 9th, 2012 at 9:19 am
I’m totally girly and I still managed to worm my way out of wearing a bridesmaid’s dress. Thank God I was the “best man.” The bride suggested I wear the same thing as her bridesmaids, but I convinced her that I would stick out like a sore thumb standing with all the dudes (and next to her soon-to-be husband) if I was wearing a colorful dress – which I would have. So I went with the LBD (Little Black Dress for the men out there). What a relief.
The reason your female friends offered to set you up (was I one of those, by the way?) is because we always know lots and lots of single girls, but there are NO single men out there who aren’t douchebags. To find one who isn’t a douchebag, but knows how TO douche…what a plus. Wow, go gross or go home, right?
February 9th, 2012 at 6:23 pm
“Wow, go gross or go home, right?”
I seem to bring that out in people.
Re: Matchmaking services. You were not alone. There were several. Transman feels kind of cheap now.
February 29th, 2012 at 4:13 pm
Don’t feel cheap. Save that for when some chick gets you drunk on cocktails and tries to take advantage of you. Seriously, we wouldn’t want to set you up if we didn’t think you were so fab!
And now that we’re moving to a real city (ssshhh!), I’ll be recruiting single women for you under the age of 85.
March 6th, 2012 at 6:22 pm
Hope you’re getting a big place, because Transman and family are moving into your basement.
February 9th, 2012 at 11:25 pm
Ha ha, hilarious! I am glad you had some fun, positive responses. I especially loved what your friend from high school said. Oh and also your son’s response was brilliant.
As for getting set-up, I hope it works out and you meet someone lovely
February 9th, 2012 at 11:29 pm
Transman will have to have some kind of game show contest with all these setups.
February 10th, 2012 at 12:17 am
Oh my god! This is reality-tv gold! With your sense of humour…and.. oh wait, actually no, this may not work
You see, you’d be witty and smart and quirky and funny, and that doesn’t sell; ‘Jersey Shore’ is what sells. Drunken bar brawls are apparently what we as a race/culture like to watch. Sigh.
February 10th, 2012 at 12:20 am
Now if you’re willing to get wasted, then hook up with a bunch of girls, and then send them home unceremoniously in cabs….THEN you’d have a hit show!
But then, you’d be a misogynist who used to be a woman, THAT’s twisted!
February 10th, 2012 at 12:33 pm
You just broke my brain.
February 29th, 2012 at 2:32 pm
This was hilariously fun to read. I wish I could say the same for the people I come out to, except for that I’d need to actually come out.
February 29th, 2012 at 3:38 pm
It only took me 40-odd years to come out.
March 4th, 2012 at 8:25 pm
You gotta license for those guns?
March 4th, 2012 at 8:29 pm
I can’t think of a response–appropriate or inappropriate.
March 6th, 2012 at 6:02 pm
“Transman will have to have some kind of game show contest with all these setups.”
Logo, fer sure.
Highlarious, heartfelt and cheers to being weird anyway!
Uncle
March 6th, 2012 at 6:23 pm
Uncle, I’d high-five you if we were in the same attic.
March 6th, 2012 at 6:27 pm
Time travel back to me, like Christopher Reeve did to Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, in “Somewhere In Time.”
March 6th, 2012 at 6:30 pm
Now, I’m almost scared we might be sharing a brain.
March 6th, 2012 at 7:05 pm
I know, right?
“What knockers!”
“Zwhy zank you, Doctor.”
March 6th, 2012 at 9:26 pm
Dude, you made my night. Now if only I could score a drink…
March 6th, 2012 at 9:33 pm
I’m gonna tell you a horror story: the South has “dry” counties–yes, places where they don’t sell likker on Sundays.
March 6th, 2012 at 10:47 pm
Arrrghhh!! I’ve been meaning to write a post on such places, but I can’t face it.
March 6th, 2012 at 10:59 pm
Let me add to the horrors … I’ve heard in mythological places like California, people can buy whiskey in the grocery store–right off the shelf like a loaf of bread. Here, it’s strictly beer and wine. Any of that hard stuff has to be bought in a liquor store or from someone’s Uncle Joe Jimbob in a clandestine back yard swap.
March 10th, 2012 at 9:57 pm
This post — and I suppose your blog in general and maybe even your life — illustrates two things I believe make life on this earth better: Authenticity and a sense of humor. This post has both and you seem to, too. I’m of the crowd that ought to be subscribing to mommy bloggers. The adventures of transman looks much more interesting that thrifty decorating ideas or Top 10 things to do with your kids on spring break.
March 10th, 2012 at 10:03 pm
Since Transman aims to please …
Thrifty decorating tip–duct tape is a magic substance–it can be used as an adhesive, sure, but it’s great for adding accents to the walls and furniture. And, conveniently, it’s also useful for clothing repairs and may get rid of warts.
One thing to do with kids on spring break–family duct tape wars.
March 18th, 2012 at 8:26 am
Haha – brilliant. Loved the responses.
March 22nd, 2012 at 5:34 pm
It’s good to know your friends and family were supportive. Too bad there’s not more people like that around.
March 24th, 2012 at 10:32 am
Brilliant. You’ve got just the right balance in your writing, and I suspect you’ve got the same serendipity in your daily life. I’ll be checking back.
Lily
March 24th, 2012 at 11:44 pm
Nailed it.
June 24th, 2012 at 7:08 pm
[...] no. When you made that joke, I took it like you were welcoming me into the fold,” Transman [...]